Sometimes a Christmas Miracle Happens...

So I woke up at 2:15am to make the journey to New York on Tuesday morning. I left for the airport at 3am and parked at the Park and Ride around 3:45. The whole point of the Park and Ride is that you park and then they pick you up in the shuttle and take you to the airport...hence park and ride. Well I parked and there was no shuttle. So after making the freezing half mile trek to the little booth and the guy apologizing profusely that he didn't see me pull in, I finally got my ride to the airport. When I got to the Northwest ticket counter there were 8 people already in line and the counter of course was not open. When it finally opened the people in line had no clue what to do...leading me to be in a state of annoyed that one can only feel at 4am with no caffeine in their system. So I finally checked my bag after almost beating up some jackass line cutter and arguing with the desk agent (because I'm a medallion member on Delta...so hell no I'm not paying your baggage fee) and I headed to security. There is a reason I hate traveling during the holiday season other than just the weather sucks...it's because there is always a ton of infrequent travelers who have no idea that you aren't supposed to load your carry-on with liquids and insist on wearing their belt, with its big metal buckle through security. Well when I got to the security line there were about 100 people in line already...in the green (beginner) line. So I walked right up to the black diamond (closed) line and demanded to go through. Yes, I know...I was being kind of bitchy...but I just wanted to get through security and get my coffee..yes another reason I know I travel too much. I know where the 24 hour Starbucks is at the airport. So they let me through and I got my coffee. Flying to Minneapolis was pretty painless, other than the fact that there was pretty much no visibility when we landed. I had a decent 2 hour layover there and then it was off to Detroit. I was in a little better mood by this point because a. I was still heading to my destination, I wasn't stuck somewhere b. I was reading Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher, read it if you want to be thankful that you aren't an alcoholic drug addict. And her writing style is very sarcastic...so I found it very entertaining.

I made it to Detroit and for the first time ever I didn't run right off the plane. I figured since I had a 5 hour layover there was no sense in me pushing people out of the way to get off the plane and there were others that had tight connections...so yes I had a little bit of Christmas cheer and I decided to be nice for once. As I saunter off the plane I looked at the departure board and I realized that my next flight was not even up on the board yet because my layover was so long. However, there was another flight to Syracuse leaving from 3 gates away and it was scheduled for 2:05 but it was actually going to leave at 2:40. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 2:40...but then I looked up at the board and it had updated to 2:55. So I ran down to the gate, figuring I was still going to have to wait for 5 hours...but you never know. I walked up to the gate as they were announcing that it was the final boarding call. I asked the woman if there was a seat on the plane and could I get out of Detroit early. She looked less than thrilled to be dealing with me, but she took my boarding pass, ripped it up and handed me my new boarding pass. I wanted to hug her. So I got into Syracuse at 5pm instead of 11pm...cause that's what time my luggage got there.

So that's my Christmas miracle...I got home 6 hours early, I didn't spend the night in an airport and the ulcer I had given myself the previous day from all of my worrying was for nothing.

That is all.

“Ma’am please keep your clothes on!”

 

On a recent trip to Kansas City I hit a few glitches…ok more than a few.  So I’m pretty sick of spending time in the airports and I have the route to the airport perfectly timed so that I can park, get to the terminal, check in and get to the gate approximately 10 minutes before the flight starts boarding.  This is all well and good when the highway is good.  Well this particular day some asshat decided to flip his car in the second lane of I-15 creating the traffic jam from hell.  I had just gotten on the highway and seriously contemplated backing down the on ramp, but there were police all over and I figured that I didn’t need a ticket on top of missing my flight.  It seriously took me like 45 minutes to go 5 miles…it was that bad.  So as soon as I cleared the traffic I was gone.  I had no idea that a Honda Civic could go 90 and I don’t ever want to find that out again. 

 

So I arrive at the airport and I figured I would park in the economy lot rather than my offsite lot because in the economy lot at least I’m at the airport…it should be quicker.  Well I get on the shuttle and I realize that the shuttle is dropping people off as well as picking people up.  It wouldn’t be so bad but I live in mormon land where the approximate family size is 8.  Of course when you have families that large it takes them a wicked long time to get everything on and off the shuttle.  Of course by this point I was ready to start helping them along…and they weren’t going to like it. 

 

I finally arrived at the Delta terminal 25 minutes before my flight was scheduled to leave.  I ran up to the agent and told her I wasn’t even going to try the kiosk because I knew that it wouldn’t let me check in and she just looked at me and said, “I can’t check your bag.”  I looked right back at her and said, “Well it’s a good thing it’s a carry on size.”  Then she retorts that there is no guarantee that I am going to make this flight.  To which I state that if she doesn’t give me a boarding pass, I’m never going to find out.  She begrudgingly gives me the boarding pass and I proceed to start hauling liquids out of my suitcase.  (As a side note I thought I got all of my liquids greater than 3 oz…turns out there were quite a few things that TSA didn’t even touch that they should have thrown out...I think the Salt Lake TSA deserves some Christmas cookies from me).  So I throw out some liquids and go tearing up the stairs to go through security.  By the time I reach security I am on the verge of hyperventilating.  The people in line were nice enough to let me cut ahead and the guy checking IDs states that he will only let me through if I take a deep breath.  I take the deep breath and proceed to throw all my stuff on the conveyor belt.  I start to walk through the metal detector and I hear a loud beep.  I yell something not PG rated as I realize that my belt is still on.  So I yank that off.  I go to step through again when I hear another beep.  I again yell something not PG rated and rip my sunglasses off my head.  The third time there was another beep and I just looked at the TSA guy and I said, “What the hell I have nothing left to strip off?”  He looked at me and said, “um ma’am you have a metal piece on your shirt.”  I look down and sure enough I had forgotten when I chose the outfit that might be a problem.  I looked straight at him and I said, “Sir, I need to catch my flight…I take this shirt off right now if it gets me out of here.”  To which he said, “Ma’am please keep your clothes on and step over there.”  So I ended up in the clear pat down booth, hyperventilating and trying to run away…I’m really lucky I didn’t get arrested.  The lady who was doing the search asked where I was going and why…when I told her, she hurried her search along.  Meanwhile the other TSAers had taken all my liquids, my belt and sunglasses and thrown them all in my bag and brought it over to me.  I grabbed my shoes and I was off running again, barefoot through the airport.  When I say I ran a mile…I probably did and when I say I did it at a sprint, I totally did.  When I got to the gate they were in final boarding and I asked the gate guy if I made it…he said I did and that I should move right along to the outside gate.  So yes, I ran outside on the concrete in my socks all the way to the gate, knocking over old people and little children along the way.  When I finally got to the plane I must have looked like a wreck…so much for looking put together when I got off the plane! 

 

Lesson learned…I should just suck it up and leave for the airport way early.  It’s better to sit there and be bored than to have to run through the terminal in your socks. 

 

That is all.      

Single handedly destroying the earth, one airplane ride at a time. 

 

So I know that I haven’t updated in a long time…and actually I did have an update from the middle of November partially saved, my computer deleted the rest of it…and it may get posted…but for right now I’m going to try to explain what has been going on the past couple of months.

 

I think I may travel too much.  How do I know this?  Well, I compiled a list of the reasons I think I might be traveling too much. 

 

1. When filling up my gas tank this evening I had to look at my dashboard because I could not remember which side of the car my gas tank was on. 
2. I know the airport off site parking shuttle drivers.  They recognize me and ask how things are going.
3. I know my Delta, United and American frequent flyer numbers by heart…probably better than I know my own social security number.
4. I get really annoyed that after roughly 2 years people still haven’t learned that you can’t take liquids on airplanes in any significant quantity…but yet know exactly how much and where to hide my own liquids in my own luggage so I don’t get my 4 oz hand cream taken away by TSA. 
5. I have the off site parking phone number memorized (Note: I can’t even remember my desk phone number.)
6. Other patrons in the expert traveler line note the efficiency at which I strip and then get redressed.
7. I start heckling those that should not be in the expert traveler line.  Complete with my notorious eye rolling and annoyed sighs. 
8. I take baby aspirin like an old person so I don’t get blood clots from being cramped up in those tiny damn seats. 
9. On the rare occurrence when I am in actually in my office people come up and introduce themselves stating that I must be the new girl. 
10. I wake up in the morning and have to consciously think about where I am waking up, and get slightly unnerved when my first couple guesses are wrong.
11. I travel more miles by air in a year than I do in any other mode of transportation.  I am single handedly responsible for destroying the earth with my carbon footprint.
12. In my spare time I am trying to figure out how to devise a mechanism that will universally charge my ipod, cell phone, laptop and gps.
13. I realize I no longer really need the gps because I am more familiar with the roads where I travel than my own roads outside my apartment.
14. I have spent more time in Kansas City in the last month than I have in Utah (that’s not even an exaggeration.)
15.  I’m annoyed when I realize that I have already seen the in-flight movie twice on two other flights
16. I spent my 25^th birthday sleeping by gate 62 in the Denver airport.
17. I have been on 156 airplanes since August 2006.
18. I have been in the Salt Lake International Airport at least once a week for the past 6 weeks. 

 

Ok, I think that’s an extensive enough list. So in the next couple of days (since I’m actually going to stay put for once) I hope to give a few brief updates…and hopefully make them mildly amusing (yes Mandi that’s for you).  In actuality it will probably have the same continuity of a David Sedaris novel but be far less amusing (which means I’m going to jump around a lot and not be funny, just a warning). 

That is all.