Randomness because I can...
So one of the big topics of discussion today was the type of shoe I am wearing to my friend Kelly's wedding. She had sent us (the bridesmaids) the link from David's Bridal and we were supposed to pick our favorites. I was asking my coworker Rebecca what she thought when Mike joined the conversation. It went something like this...
Me: Well, I like a nice classy heel that makes me taller.
Mike (5'3"): House, how much taller do you honestly need to be?
Me: 7 feet and a ballerina...don't laugh at my dreams! That's really what I wanted when I was in second grade.
Rebecca: Isn't that a stiletto?
Me: Yeah, I blew my knee out on one of those.
Mike: You blew your knee out?
Me: Well technically tore the meniscus, strained the MCL and there's a chunk of calcification in there...but in my defense it wasn't me being clumsy! He was drunk and fell into me!! I am not a disaster waiting to happen!
Mike: House, you are a disaster!
So then I went to a staff meeting where I tutor and they fed us Chinese for dinner. I haven't eaten Chinese in so long that I think my body is rejecting the MSG and causing me to feel nauseous, but that isn't the funny part...one of my coworkers threw me a fortune cookie and my fortune was, "Now is the best time for you to be spontaneous. Serendipity!" I completely almost choked on the chicken (at least I hope it was chicken) that I was eating. The last month has been nothing if not spontaneous! It's too bad that Utah is as oppressive as it is...because I would totally go out and buy a lottery ticket right now with those numbers on the back. It's Utah's fault that I am not a millionaire right now.
In other news, I think I am going to write a book entitled, "She's Not That Into You" and I am going to pair it up with "He's Not That Into You" on Amazon and make a fortune. Why do I have the experience to write this, you may wonder? Because I have had to deal with someone who is not getting the hint that she's not that into you.
In order to get on base you must flash your AF ID. There is usually a very nice rent-a-cop (a scum contractor) that checks the ID and lets you go on your way. And I totally have
my
gate with my gate people. They know me, ask how I am and we both go about our days. Well back in October one of the guards asked if I wanted to hang out with him and some friends on a random weekend. I politely told him that I was going to NY that weekend (which I was) and that I would not be around. He never spoke of it again, so I assumed it was a dead issue. Which was fine because I was not that into him. Then about 6 weeks ago, he suggested we get a drink sometime. I didn't outright agree, but I think I remember saying, "haha yeah, with my busy travel schedule, maybe sometime." Then it was dropped for like another week. And I never never never gave him my phone number...or any qualifying information that he should take as a sign that I wanted to see him. So, I went to NY for 3 weeks and then returned and went through my gate as usual.
Last Thursday I received an email from said guy saying that he was changing jobs, he was sorry he didn't get to say good-bye, he hoped my elbow was better and oh yeah, we should get a drink sometime and "see what kind of trouble we can get into." Now you maybe wondering, "How the hell did he get my work email address...well you guessed it, he checks my ID every morning...he knows my first and last name...and it's not that hard to figure it out from there. I ignored it. It didn't justify a response. Or so I thought.
Monday I'm driving to base after calling 911...which is a whole other story...and fortuitously enough, I run into the guy. He asks if I got his email and I just looked at him blankly. "What email? Must be these stupid AF filters, stupid Outlook 2007, filtering my emails." And then, and I kid you not, rather than telling me what his stupid email said in the first place, to my face, like a normal human being...he said, "I'll just send it again." Are you kidding me?!
So sure enough, the next day there is another email in my inbox...but this one has the last line changed to, "get a drink and talk." Yeah, talk...right. So I sent him one back that stated, "Well good luck in your new job. And about that drink, well I am seeing someone else and I'm very happy and we've been together since I broke my elbow, yeah that's right 20 minutes of skiing and 4 hours in the ER later, and he still wants to date me...I think he's a keeper." And I was anticipating that being the end of it. But it wasn't.
The next day (yesterday) he sends me back another email. "Well I'm glad you're happy. Maybe you could save my email address or something for when it doesn't work out." By now I was ready to give him the ass chewing of the century. I mean, as my sister will so quickly point out, I may be one bad relationship away from owning 30 cats or hiring a baby mama, but that is not for anyone else to point out. I mean who is he to say whether a relationship that I'm in will or will not succeed. So I showed my buddy Nick this guy's response (because Nick has been keeping up with the drama in my life, it makes him feel better about his own). And Nick just looks at me and says, "What is this guy not getting? You're just not into him." I looked at him and said, "Do you think if I knew the answer to that question I would be bothering you? No I'd be telling Mr. Desperate what's up!"
So today my buddy Nick calls me. That conversation went something like this:
Nick: Yo Shannon, I was thinking about your problem last night. I mean don't ask me why, but I was running and it just popped into my head. I have a theory on this dude.
Me: Yup, what is it?
Nick: So I'm running and I'm thinking to myself, why won't this guy leave her alone? Why is this guy not getting the clue? And then it dawned on me. No guy wants to date a girl he sees for 10 seconds a day and knows nothing about. You have to know more than just a person's name to want to date them. And he doesn't know anything else about you, other than what you look like. My theory is he just wants to get into your pants.
Me: Nick, this is not a news flash.
Nick: Stay with me on this...he won't leave you alone because secretly he thinks he can get you...as almost all guys think about all women they are attracted to. That we can get in their pants. He's hoping that you will be one of these ho girls and either 1. your boyfriend is long distance or 2. that you aren't getting along (since he's never seen you with your beau.) So secretly he's hoping to be the distraction in your relationship. What he doesn't realize is that you are way too smart and loyal for that.
Me: And it took you a 3 mile run to figure that out?
Nick: Well not the entire run.
Me: I could saved you a lot of stress on your joints and told you that in 30 seconds yesterday.
So, I'm hoping this whole issue will die. If any of you all have any suggestions on how I could make it more clear that I'm just not into him (short of totally calling him out on it and being a bitch...I don't need any more confrontational situations)...I'd be glad to hear it.
A couple of weeks ago one of the 8th graders I tutor asked me, out of nowhere, if I was Mormon. I looked at him and said, "Out in the real world that's an offensive question. You don't go around asking people what their religious beliefs are. And for your information that is really none of your business." He quickly apologized while I silently said in my head, "one more broken in to reality!" Those are my small victories out here.
Even Mormon kids have a sense of humor...so a little while ago I was tutoring 3 brothers...3 of 7 mind you. Good Mormon family they are. Anyways these kids were actually pretty cool. As most "normal" teenagers do, they were questioning their families and their religion and being dare I say, a bit rebellious. Well the one brother had broken his hand playing lacrosse, so he had a ton of signatures on the cast. He was pointing them out to me and they were almost all from girls! It was at this point his brother piped up and informed me that he had probably 5 or 6 girlfriends. Broken kid retorted, "I don't like to eat just one kind of candy, I like to eat lots of different kinds of candy." Then his brother said, "Yeah and you know what happens when you eat too much candy...you get sick!" I almost couldn't teach the rest of the hour...I couldn't believe that such good Mormon kids could make a sex joke! It gave me a slight glimmer of hope for the future of this state.
That was until I watched the nightly news. Top news story tonight...Utah's attorney general....nope not caught with a prostitute...apologized to polygamists in this state and promised them that there will not be raids on their way of life in this state. Are you serious?! That is so wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin. 1. Polygamy is illegal and a drain on an economy. These people procreate like it's their job and then sign up for welfare for the "single" moms. So every year they get millions in taxpayer dollars to support their lifestyle. 2. An attorney general is allowing the law to be broken. What's the point of having an attorney general? 3. Top story on the news tonight is polygamy...are you kidding? Clearly the story on Italy's nuclear waste being exported to Utah (btw that was like the 6th story) was not nearly as important as the story on why 60 year old men can sleep with 14 year olds in this state. Only in Utah. T-16 months and peace out!
My weekend started about 2 hours ago. I love having every other Friday off.
That is all!
