Busy weekend!



Saturday a few friends and I decided that it would be a fantastic idea to hike Antelope Island. We also decided that it would be a fantastic idea to start at 8am. That turned out to be a very good idea, because at noon when we had finished our decent…it was close to 95 degrees. I haven’t gone hiking in awhile, and I must say, I had a great time. At least I found some people that like to hike, and I have a new hobby in this state! I wish that Amanda and her friends could have joined us, because they could have been pointing out different rocks that I used to see in earth science class…but can’t remember the names of. However, Amanda was in the process of finishing something that I would consider hell! Her and a group of friends ran from Logan to Park City…which is really far and all in the mountains! Congrats to them!!!



Not much else to report. I had a friend that was driving across country that stopped to spend 2 nights. There was much visiting and not a whole lot of productivity this weekend!



A few days ago a guy got in a high speed chase with an RV up in Ogden. That’s right, he hopped in his RV and led police on a high speed chase. Then he crashed into a house while trying to make a turn. Why was he in a high speed chase? Because he stole a dog. That’s right he stole a dog…and then proceeded to drive in an RV on a high speed chase. Yay rednecksville.



It’s going to be a busy week!



That is all.

A big thank you to everyone!

Thank you all for making my birthday so awesome. I received many emails, IMs, my space comments and facebook comments and they all brightened my day. I would list you each individually by name…but then I might forget someone and I would feel really bad about that. But I am going to make a few personalized shout-outs.

First and foremost, my parents: They sent me one of the best care packages, complete with homegrown beef. Of course the card and the presents were nice too!

My Utah friends: I thought that being out in Utah meant that my birthday was going to suck! But my friends out here made sure that wasn’t the case…from a couple of them showing up with a Spiderman bag with my gift inside, to the cake at the pool party to the club…I had a great time!! I could not ask for better friends out here.

A certain friend that sent me 1 cent stamps: It’s nice to see that someone reads my blog! The chocolate was also nice!

All the funny cards (final countdown!), gift cards and flowers I received. My birthday was truly awesome! Hopefully I am going to remember to make a list of awesome people and treat you all the same on your birthdays.

Thanks again, everyone!

That is all!

Going Corporate

About 2 weeks ago I subscribed to Google’s Ad sense on my blog. This meant that Google would put ads on my blog that pertained to what I was writing about and I would make a small bit of money. However, after 2 weeks my yield has been $.60. And the ads they put on there? Let’s see there was one for mormon underwear, mormon cell phone rings and mormon weddings. I didn’t expect to make a ton of money, but a dollar a week would have made it worth it. I’m going to keep the ads up for 2 more weeks, if my yield doesn’t go up drastically…I’m pulling the ads. Because honestly readers, I care too much about you to have you emotionally scarred by mormon underwear.

That is all.

So the past 2 days have been really busy, and it’s been kind of nice. Last weekend I was really busy with socializing, so I didn’t have time to update. So let’s see…Friday night I went out with the girls! It was nice to just have a girls’ night, since I spend so much of the rest of my week around guys. We started out at a friend’s house eating food and drinking (of course not me…because I had a sneaking suspicion that I was going to have to drive this girl’s car home.) Then someone decided that we should go to a club. So we did. It was much like a club in the rest of the country, but the drinks were weak, which didn’t matter to me because I drove. So yeah, I danced like the sober idiot I am, with many guys, into the wee hours of the morning. It was a ton of fun and reminded me a little of college days, when I would be the DD to the formal and dance like the sober idiot I am. Saturday night I hung out at a different friends’ house and we got Pita Pit at midnight! It was almost like being back in college. Except that we had to drive to the Pita Pit, instead of stumbling down to Marshall Street.

Monday was busy all day long. I had a meeting with the top civilian on base for a newcomer orientation. I know…newcomer orientation after I have already been on base for 9 months. Welcome to the federal government. Anyways, so he comes in and is shaking everyone’s hand…yadda, yadda. And he asks the first guy what his name is and what he does…yadda yadda. Then he looks at me and says, “You must be Shannon.” This isn’t as impressive as it sounds…because I was the only girl in the room. Then he said, “I see you went to the Maxwell School.” So then he proceeded to tell me that he went there for 2 months a few years ago and did the National Security Studies course. He said it was such a great time and a beautiful part of the country and the program was prestigious…and that was my excitement for the day. The rest of the day was spent in meetings…blah. The 4-H horse show went well. Then there was the mad dash to get to the gym to work out and watch Big Love.

Yesterday was busy as well, which is good…I like being busy at work. I can’t really mention too many details, but the job is going ok. My friends definitely make the job.

Today bureaucracy got the best of me. I have been trying to work a piece of paper through the bureaucracy and I received a phone call this morning that basically told me that all my efforts for the past 3 months have been for naught. I almost threw my phone across the cube. Then I realized I was at work and I should refrain from such things. Sometimes I think the bureaucratic system tries so hard to be efficient that they make themselves less efficient. Back to square 1. Blah. So I went to print some stuff off to fix this problem, but the powers that be have decided that you can’t print in color unless you are a supervisor. I know…it’s ridiculous. Anyways, so here I am fighting with software that wants to print to a printer that I don’t have access to. So a job that should have taken me 5 minutes, proceeded to take me an hour!!

Ok, so my rant. The United States Postal Service. On May 30th, I needed more stamps, but rather than stand in line at a counter during my lunch break, I decided to order them online. This method is endorsed by the USPS but I think they endorse it just so they can make the extra dollar on shipping. Anyways, so May 30th I order stamps. They are in my box by June 1st or 2nd. No big deal. So Monday, I open my mailbox and I am shocked to find my car payment in my box with +.02 written on it. I was confused, so I go to the USPS website and realize that on MAY 14th, the rate of a stamp went up to $.41. If the price was $.41 for a stamp, why 2 weeks after the rate increase did the USPS mail me $.39 stamps???? So now I have to go to the post office anyways and buy a bunch of $.02. Awesome.

If you didn’t watch The Daily Show last night, you’re wrong. There was a pretty funny piece by Samantha Bee asking if America is ready for a Mormon president. I thought it was well done. I can’t access Comedy Central from work anymore, but I am pretty sure you can find the clip on their website.

Hump day's almost over!

That is all.

Here’s your sign…

So I am reading the news from everyone’s favorite owned mormon rag, and I learn that a man got stuck up in a canyon in Provo last night. Here’s the article…

Last night's storm caught a hiker in American Fork unaware, trapping him on a mountain in nothing but shorts and a T-shirt.
The hiker is 42 years old and from Provo. He was hiking yesterday with his wife and kids on Summit Trail. He chose to go off on a trail alone.
He is alive but stuck in a gully. The man has endured rain, snow, 40-degree temperatures and the wind chill. Rescue crews say the hiker was not prepared for any of it.
Sgt. Tom Hodgson of the Utah County Sheriff's Office says, "He is wearing a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of shorts, cotton T-shirt and light blue jacket. He didn't have any food or water. He is certainly not prepared to spend the night. He's still in good spirits."
Search and rescue crews shined a spotlight on the mountain and they got a response from the man. They've actually talked with him. They've hollered back and forth with him down into that gully where he's stuck right now.
He's told them he's not hurt, but he may have hypothermia. Since it's snowing, crews will not be able fly and send a helicopter to get to him. They'll have to rappel down 150 feet.
Hodgson says, "This is a tough rescue. Very candidly it's a tough rescue. We have the ability and talent to do it. The guys on the mountain have the skills to pull this off, but that being said, we need to make sure they're safe."
One search team member has already been taken to the hospital with hypothermia.

First of all…you all can look at my post from yesterday. This weather did not just happen. They have been predicting this cold weather for almost a week now. So either he doesn’t own a tv or a radio, or he is too busy trusting in the faith of god, joseph smith, moroni and all the rest to shield him from bad weather that he couldn’t be bothered by a weather forecast from a mere mortal.

Second of all, who leaves their family on a trail? Honestly!

Third, who hikes in tennis shoes and brings no clothes, food, extra water etc. with them? I know when I hike its in good hiking boots and with plenty of supplies…should I get stuck somewhere.

Fourth, how do you just get stuck in a gully? Were you not paying attention to where you were walking?


To me this man is just stupid. In true Darwinian fashion we should let this goober fend for himself until the weather is better suited for a proper rescue. But no, we can’t let him do that…so we are going to send someone down in the gully to save his sorry butt, so he can then come out and continue to procreate, thereby passing on his stupid genes. Awesome.


In other news, not a whole lot going on in my neck of the woods. It has been raining buckets ALL DAY! Seriously ALL DAY…in a desert. No good will come of this…and now instead of people complaining on the news that we don’t have enough rain, they’ll start complaining about the flooding. It’s also pretty cold out here right now too…this might be my chance to catch up on the Harry Potter movies before the 5th one comes out!!

That is all.

So today is our no email day. They never said anything about no blogs. So here we are.

You know what makes for a really bad day…you’re lying in critical condition in a hospital and then plane that was supposed to deliver your organs crashes. I imagine that would be the worst day ever!

Hey Utah… the word is WASH…not warsh, as in I’m warshing my clothes…no there is no R. I just happened to notice that the other day in some locals and just thought I’d comment.

Does anyone else in America call a movie a show? For example, “I watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid the other day, that is a great show.” I know that personally where I come from we would say that it was a great movie. A show to us is what you watch once a week. For example, I love The Office, that is such a great show! Again, just some more of my commentary on the lingo of the locals.

I truly know now that I am indeed in the 5th circle of Mormon hell…and how do I know that…because it has been hotter than Hades up in this joint. 90 some odd degrees and it’s only May. I know that tolerate heat much better than cold…but this is just ridiculous. It also felt pretty humid yesterday…and I know it’s pathetic when humid is 25% humidity…because that’s what it was the other day and it felt stifling.

So I saw a pretty creative vanity plate the other day. I need to preface it with this…the man was driving a white ford bronco…I can only assume it was the correct year model…and the vanity plate said NOWAYOJ. I thought it was funny.

There is a sewer plant south of Salt Lake that is going to try turning raw sewage back into water. *Note to self, don’t drink the water…for more than one reason now.*

There was a gianormous gay pride parade in SLC this past weekend. I have no problem with that...but what I can’t comprehend is how the most republican conservative state in the country with a center of a church that hates gays…can have such a huge rally? At least this one was bigger than the Death to Israel rally held last summer.

As if I needed another reason to not vote for Mitt Romney, I pulled this article from KSL.com ( the good Mormon’s news station)….

It's not a belief that's endorsed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and yet some people believe that if Mitt Romney is elected president, he's destined to do a great thing.
There's growing talk Mitt Romney could be the one to fulfill a so-called prophecy and save the U.S. Constitution. Mormon myth claims Joseph Smith prophesied that in the last days the constitution would hang by a thread and a Mormon on a metaphorical white horse would ride in to save it.
The LDS Church in the past has discounted this "White Horse Prophecy," saying it is not doctrine. Romney told the Salt Lake Tribune he doesn't believe it, either.

Yeah, I bet you don’t believe it Romney…you’re just being humble…like every good Mormon should be…you know that if you got elected you would show up at the inauguration on a white horse.

Here’s my political endorsement…Don’t vote Romney in 08. Ok, done.

In other news: Heelys. I hate them. Every undisciplined urchin out here has them…if they are cool…which so many of them strive to be…so that like they can totally be the awesomest Mormon around. Anyways. There is a new study out that kids should be wearing helmets, knee pads and wrist guards. Awesome…so when that urchin in the mall plows into me…I can then sue his parents for damage to my gut caused by his helmet. Moving on…

Hey KSL…stop trying to use smart words. Here’s another article I pulled off of KSL.com…

Cedar City Cracks Down on Truant Pooches
June 4th, 2007 @ 6:28am
CEDAR CITY, Utah (AP) -- Cedar City officials are trying to crack down on dogs running loose and causing nuisances -- some have even killed livestock.
The city recently passed new ordinances that include higher fines for owners if their dogs are found running free.
Recently two loose dogs attacked a family's pet goats, killing one of them.
The new Iron County ordinance states that dogs allowed to run at large may be destroyed by the sheriff's office.
It also says the owner could be charged with a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in jail and a fine of up to $300. Vicious dogs-at-large may incur higher fines, and their owners would be required to pay restitution for damaged property.
The dogs that attacked the goats were taken to an animal shelter. They were returned to their owners who were cited with hefty fines.


When I first read this story I thought hmm truant…that sounds like someone who doesn’t come to school. So then I looked it up on Webster.com. Here’s the official definition according to Webster.com… truant- one who shirks duty; especially : one who stays out of school without permission. To me that sounds like the opposite of what these dogs are doing. If they were truant they would be laying under a porch somewhere…but a dogs duty is to attack things and that’s what they are doing. Honestly, story writers stop reading the book of mormon and please make sure you are using words that are appropriate for your story…don’t try to sound smart...the same people that read your story on ksl.com are the same ones that are able to vote party line with one touch of a button…I don’t think they will be impressed by smart verbage.

It’s supposed to be 90 here today…that is supposed to feel like July 27th…tomorrow it will be 50 and feel like April 4th. Awesome.

I can’t think of anything else to post right now…but twice in one week is definitely a record for me!


That is all!

Only in Utah!!!


So I have not updated in quite awhile, and I am going to use this post to point out some of the ridiculousness of the state in which I now reside.

First, local news. There is a local news station that every morning asks a trivia question. Only in Utah would this station ask a question about a local sports team and no one knows the answer. Example: How long has the Jazz losing streak against the Spurs been standing? If you were in any other state with a professional sports team…SOMEONE would have called in the answer. I use my Boston friends as examples…they can probably recall every losing streak, winning streak and just random facts from the Sox, the Celts, the Bruins AND the Pats. Utants only have to remember the Jazz stats! Not that hard. Of course maybe they didn’t want to win the prize that morning which was (I kid you not) a CD entitled “Love Songs of the 70s by Donny Osmond.” I can’t make this stuff up folks! This same station then had a trivia question this morning that asked, “What is your favorite color?” Of course this sent me into fit of giggles because all I could think of is that old SNL Jeopardy skit with Darrell Hammond and Will Ferrell, where Will plays Alex and Darrell plays Sean Connery. Come on, you know you all were thinking it! Do they think Utants are still half asleep that early in the morning…or just simply retarded? I supposed either is a strong possibility.

Local commercials. There is a commercial on TV right now for Menlove, which is a car dealer. If the name alone wasn’t hysterical enough…they are running this commercial right now where this white trash mormon chick with 18 kids wants to buy a new car. Of course she can’t because her credit sucks and she is trying to pay for her 18 urchins. But praise Jesus and Moroni and Joseph Smith and all the rest, Menlove helped her get her new car. That isn’t the funny part…the funny part is and I quote, “We was in our new car by the end of the day.” Well heck and dang Billy Jean Bobby Sue, whatever your redneck name is…I’m durn happy that them there auto guys done put you up in a branded spankin new car. Honestly people, if you are going to put real people in your commercials, please make sure that they use the correct tense…so that I do not want to gauge my ears out of my head before I even get to work. Moving on…

Religion: I recently learned that if you are married in the Mormon temple…and every good Mormon yearns for that opportunity…you are sealed to your spouse. The idea behind that is that you are then married for ALL ETERNITY (see earlier post for Brandon’s reaction to that). Ok, so basically all this means is that you and your spouse better have gotten it right the first time, because y’all are having sex in heaven too…it doesn’t end with death do us part. Ok, so most of you probably think that’s fair and sounds like a decent idea…it kind of makes sense to me as well. However, if y’all didn’t get it right the first time and you get a divorce…that’s just a civil split. The church does not undo the sealing. Ok, so Billy Bob and Bobby Sue get married, they are sealed in the temple FOR ALL ETERNITY. Billy Bob beats Bobby Sue…Bobby Sue leaves…divorce follows. The state of Utah recognizes them as divorced…the Mormon church, does not. Ok, whatever right? Well if Billy Bob then starts seeing Sally Jo and decides to marry her…he can do so in the Mormon temple and be sealed to her as well. Hmm…so now he is sealed to 2 people!!! Hmm…so then Bobby Sue decides she is going to remarry to Joe. She cannot be sealed in the temple. Are yall following this logic? A man can be sealed to 2 women (or more) that he will see in the afterlife and have marital relations with and all that…but a woman can only be sealed to one man. (The sealing process can be broken…but it basically takes an act of God…no pun intended.) Have you made the logical connection yet? Mainstream, everyday Mormons believe that there is polygamy in the afterlife!!!!!!! But here on earth…no no, we don’t condone that process, polygamy doesn’t happen, hasn’t happened since some Joe Blow Prophet had that awesome revelation, yeah ok…gigs up. Oh yeah and please explain to me why then is it that I clearly saw my first polygamist family in the SL airport? Hypocrisy makes my head hurt!!!

No email days: Our wing commander decided that it would be a fantastical idea that we have no email on June 5th. Therefore, I will not be in contact with anyone via work email on June 5th. If you want to know what I think of this…ask me offline. I wouldn’t want to risk losing my job.

Which brings me to my first cheer of the day, Dooce.com! This chick is a blogger that lives in SL and is, and I quote, “a recovering Mormon.” Meaning that she attended BYU and all that crap and then went into the real world had her eyes opened and no longer has the blinders on like all the rest of Mormonland. She also lost her job because of her blogging habit (apparently blogging about bad things at work is bad.) So I will no longer mention names and berate coworkers on my blog. Well maybe I will still refer to certain individuals as goobers, because they are…but whatever. I have learned from others mistakes and I have found hope that perhaps in this state, I can find some like minded individuals.

Golfing: I have been out once this season. It was a ton of fun. 2 guys, a girl and a golf course. That was my day. It was awesome. I remember why I don’t golf with young men, but they are fun all the same. I plan to be hitting the links as much as possible this summer...which brings me to my next point.

So there is this guy at work who has told my friend via email that he might possibly be interested in me. Welcome to 5th grade…I know. Anyways, so he emails me the other day…obviously trying to hint at the fact that he might possibly like me or want to go on a date or something…but let’s face it folks, he’s a male engineer. SO we all know that means he will never have the chutzpah to actually go about the asking out…but whatever. So in the email he asks, “So did your boyfriend get you into golfing?” Let’s just say that statement did not go over too well with me. Welcome to the state where the men are the breadwinners and the women are the breadbakers. Can’t I freaking go golfing because I actually WANT to do it for MYSELF, not because some schmuck with a penis got me into it (Note: I am not calling my exs schmucks…just trying to make a point)!!! Heck, flip, dang and all sorts of other Mormon curse words! Who does he think he is? Did my boyfriend get me into it??? I had a boyfriend that didn’t even KNOW I golfed until after we had been apart for 3 years and I had been golfing for 3 years before I even met him! So needless to say that is one of the many reasons he will not get a date from me. End of discussion.

I think I am going riding this weekend with Amanda and Eammon. This makes me very happy, as I enjoy riding a ton and it’s free…and the horses aren’t nuts…see previous posts for details on crazy horses. I went riding with them a few weeks ago, and I must say I was intimidated…I was riding a 7 year old, not very broke horse. However, she was pretty awesome and I am looking forward to the challenge again.

I just realized that I really need to start updating when I see something funny. Which should be at least once a week! I’m making a resolution to attempt to do that. We’ll see how it goes.

That is all!