Being Purple in a Blatantly Red State
(Author's note:No Mormons were harmed in the creation of this posting...however when I refer to crazy Mormons I am referring to the Utah variety and not those that I know from NY.)

Reflecting on the recent mid-term election made me realize some things about the state in which I live.

First off, I am not ignorant enough to vote party line because I feel as though I identify with a certain party (for the record I think 98% of Utah votes this way). If all the candidates I happen to like are in the same party...then so be it. So...for the purposes of this blog and the records of the state of Utah I have no party affiliation. Hence the purple reference (you know blue +red= purple). So, I was trying to educate myself for the upcoming mid-term election on the different candidates and their positions on important issues (like Nevada stealing our water).

I started with the state senators...there was a republican guy and a democrat women. Both of their contact email addresses were their personal email addresses...like their msn account or their earthlink account. If I was running for an elected office...my email address would be something along the lines of me4senate@gmail.com. And I would have a kick ass webpage. Which was also lacking from 95% of the candidates out here. The democrat in my state senate race had one. She might as well not have had one though. The homepage is a picture of her wearing what looks to be a Wal-Mart special sweater in front of a wall at her house. The links on her page told her about her upbringing and how she works in a school and likes children. Good for her...what about her stance on issues...yup nothing about that. If I were running for an office and I had a homepage like that I would have been wearing the best power suit I own in front of an American flag, and preferably a large classy bookcase. Also there would be tabs on the left hand side telling people a. my history b. my qualifications c. what issues i stand for d. how you can support my campaign (Give me money) e. links (that would lead you to the state voting site).

The kind of incompetence I saw from candidates out here would never fly in the great state of New York...where I heard there was a rather ugly battle for state senate. Both of those people should come to Utah and give some lectures on campaigning. Candidates' ideas of campaigning out here is stick a few signs in a yard.

So I went to the polls and checked in with my friendly poll worker who was wearing bib overalls and had a tooth. There was a little banter about how I was unaccustomed to voting in Utah because I had brought like 10 forms of ID and proof of residence. They didn't even check to see that I was old enough or lived where I said I did. When I proclaimed...uhh No I am not from Utah I am from New York...the poll worker made a comment about "well we aren't going to deport you because you didn't show us your proof of residence"...to which his counterpart said "well maybe she wants to be deported back to NY." I thought in my head...more than you know.

So I made my wonderfully informed decisions...and damn it felt good to vote against Orrin Hatch...I know 63% of my state voted for him...but he did not have my approval...and that made me feel better about the whole having to vote in Utah thing.


So the Republicans got slaughtered in their Congressional quest. There's a shocker...who didn't see that one coming? And of course after a slaughter...what happens kids? Think back to civics class...come on...you can do it...of course a change in administration! So since Rummy is the only one left besides Cheney, and he got us into a nasty war...guess who it was? If you guessed Rumsfeld...eat a cookie! Well I am at work, feeling extremely cynical and wishing I was somewhere else besides Utah, when I happened to click on cnn.com. What pops up....BREAKING NEWS RUMSFELD RESIGNS. Of course I think in my head...uh huh...resigned. The rest of that ticker should have read...before Bush had a chance to fire him...because we all know that's how it goes. Well about 10 minutes later a guy in the cube next to mine feels the need to announce to his whole cube that our head cheese boss resigned. (Side note...why do people feel like they need to be the town crier at work?! I am doing important things here people!!) Well ok fine...he announces it. Then the blonde girl in the office (no wait...that's not accurate...at least blondes are intelligent with periodic lapses in thought...this girl is just downright vapid...there is nothing going on inside her head...I hope she never has to have brain surgery...she might come out with no head) says "Oh my God!!! Why on earth would he do that?!! Duh...hello! She continues on her disbelief tirade...very loudly I might add...But like why would he leave in the middle of his term...like why wouldn't he stick it out...he's only got 2 years left...like I don't get it. Why would Bush let him do it? Like what's going on?

At this point I am almost banging my head on my keyboard and wishing that I lived in America. I was thisclose to going over and giving Barbie a civics lesson on how 6 years is an exceptionally long time for a cabinet member...he's the last of the original left (except the Secretary of Labor...and honestly, she isn't under that kind of stress). Plus he doesn't owe any term to anyone...he can leave whenever he damn well pleases and that he serves at the pleasure of the president...so if the president doesn't like you...resign or be fired. And after a mass slaughter the president sees the turnout as a reflection of his administration and its policies...and if you lose 2 houses of Congress in one election you better start making some drastic changes. Not to mention retired generals have been calling for this resignation for over a year now. But I decided that in the mood I was in I would not have given a civics lesson, I would have just picked up my keyboard, walked over to her cube and bashed her in the head, so I would not have to listen to the whiny "Oh my GOD...like HOW?" So in my better judgement I chose to plug my ears and concentrate on the 8.1 million I was trying to find so I could spend it.

People have asked how I feel about the fact that my head cheese boss is no longer. I couldn't care less as federal employee. Its not going to effect what Hill AFB does...which is ensure we have 500 nukes ready to go at a moment's notice.

Personally, I will reserve my feelings on this issue for another forum. Trying not to get political here.



In other news:

I was at Costco the other day. They sell 5 gallon buckets with Meals Ready to Eat to feed 8 people for a year. (Apparently Mormons are supposed to have a years worth of food on hand at all times) I'm not sure what's crazier...the fact that Costco would actually sell something like this...or that someone would actually pay $130 for this 5 gallon bucket with these MREs in it. Crazy Mormons.

I was sitting on my couch on Friday watching T.V. because I was sick and damnit sometimes you just need to veg. I came upon Sex and the City...which on evening TV is much more city than sex just to assure all you viewers out there that worry about me getting corrupted. It actually has some interesting commentary on relationships...or at least I think it does. Anyways...so I'm watching Sex and the City and commercials come on...normally this is when I surf the 'net. But I was too lazy/sick whatever to do that...so I watched the commericals. I find it either a. highly ironic b. really crazy that there were 3 mormon commercials in a row. You know those ones where the good blonde haired, blue eyed WHITE boy is trying to dance with a girl at the dance but he's like a loser (probably because he is Mormon...but I digress) and then his teacher helps him out and finds a girl for him to dance with and everyone is happy YAY and then the narrator says "A message brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." Y'all there were 3 of these things during this commercial break. I know the Mormons are trying to recruit and convert and whatnot...but if I am watching a show about 4 single sassy women, I'm probably not going to convert to being Mormon anytime soon.


So yeah, this is why I am never going to fit in in this state (but possibly persecuted or killed). I tried too...I was excited and I was going to try to fit in...but after three months I realize that it will be impossible. I am way too liberal/pushy/bitchy/mouthy/I refuse to play nice and pop out a bajillion undisciplined urchins and sit quietly at home/independent/and educated! to be in this state. I really am. I was actually telling a coworker about the Ohio experience that I went through...and he said, "Of course Eric didn't listen to you, he's a good Mormon man...BYU educated and all." These are the people I work with y'all. That is not to say that it is not a nice place to vacation...it is beautiful out here...come visit...but don't drink the kool-aid.

Long story short...I am going to do my time and then move back to America.

That is all.